Reminiscing
by angel gurl
Summary: On Mother’s Day, Logan once again mourns over his deceased mother and spends the day reminiscing. Max regrets how she never knew her mother and wonders what life would be like if Manticore never existed.


Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Dark Angel, just borrowing the characters.  
  
****  
  
Logan Cale sat in his bed, surrounded by old photo albums. He smiled softly at a picture of his mother smiling lovingly at baby Logan in her arms.  
  
Logan sighed and shut the photo album. Danielle Cale had died 8 years ago, on Mother's Day, of all days. His mother was driving into the city from her huge estate outside of the city just so she could spend the day with her only child.  
  
A single tear descended from Logan's eyes. He had to go to a meeting early the next morning and his mother had insisted on coming into the city to visit him instead of him going to her estate for him to visit her. " God, how could I have been so selfish?" Logan whispered, " I knew mom was still grieving over Dad's death and she wouldn't be in proper condition to drive. Why didn't I ask to postpone the meeting?"  
  
Logan had spent the entire day with his mom, buying lunch and dinner for her and going shopping and playing chess. The Pulse had happened a few years ago and even though America was in a major financial slump and everything was ridiculously expensive, it was still one of Logan's most memorable days of his life.  
  
****  
  
Max sat on top of the Space Needle, hugging her legs to herself. //I wish I knew who my mother was. What if I was a normal girl, born into a loving family? What if Manticore never even existed? I would come home from school everyday and be greeted by my mom. I'd sit down with her and have an after school snack, telling her all about my day. I wish more than anything I knew my mom. To guide me through my toughest times, be there to encourage me to do whatever I want, support me through whatever I'm doing and someone to love me unconditionally.//   
  
Max started to cry a little. //I hate Manticore. I hate what they did to my siblings and I. I hate being their lab rats and experiments. I hate Lydecker and his torturing us and killing Eva. I hate having 'weaknesses'. I hate being a 'soldier', when all I want is to be a normal, everyday girl. I hate having to always be on the run, never settling down. I hate that I can't be real and tell the truth about myself to my friends. I hate that I have to be someone I'm not. A soldier. I'm not a soldier, I'm a girl.//  
  
****  
  
//I remember she always wore that shirt// Logan thought wistfully as he slowly looked through yet another photo album. He came across a photo of himself sitting at the kitchen table happily eating pancakes. His mom was behind him, her hair in a messy ponytail and smiling brightly.  
  
//Mom always loved to eat breakfast with me. She always used to spoil me with pancakes and eggs and bacon and fruit every morning. Dad never accepted me for pursuing journalism. Said it was all those years of my mom fussing over me. Truth is, I loved mom for fussing over me and worrying about me. She more than made up for the love my father never showed me.//  
  
****  
  
Max checked her watch. " 7:30," she said to no one in particular, " I hope Logan's up to feeding me."  
  
****  
  
" Logan!" Max called out, letting herself into his apartment as she always did, " Logan!"  
  
" Just a second Max!" She heard his voice coming from his bedroom.  
  
//Weird// Max thought. //I was almost positive he'd be in his computer room.//  
  
" Hey Max," Logan said, coming out of his room, " What are you doing here?"  
  
Max was a little taken back by his comment; she was always welcome here.   
  
" Wondering if you'd feed me," Max said, pretending like the last comment hadn't affected her."  
  
//That's Max, always thinking about her stomach.// " Sorry, you caught me at a bad time," Logan said, " I got work to do."  
  
" What kind of work?" Max asked.  
  
" Just… you know… Eyes Only stuff," Logan said, stammering a little.  
  
" Oh really?" Max asked, leaning against the doorframe of his computer room, " Then why were you just in your room?"  
  
" I was getting a sweater."  
  
" Oh, I'm guessing that you forgot where you keep your sweaters and had to hunt through your closet for quite some time, since your computer's pretty cold," Max smirked, placing her hand on top of his computer.  
  
Logan sighed, admitting defeat, " Fine, I wasn't doing work. I don't have work to do. I just wanted to be by myself."  
  
" You're not going through your depressed stage again are you?" Max asked worriedly.  
  
Logan shot her an annoyed look, " No. It's Mother's Day today. I was just reminiscing."  
  
" Oh…" Max said, " Sorry."  
  
Logan shrugged, " It's ok. So you still want dinner?"  
  
" I thought you were going to reminisce some more."  
  
" You can always join me."  
  
" I'll pass," Max laughed, " I got my own thinking to do."  
  
" What about?" Logan asked, wheeling himself in the direction of the kitchen.  
  
" About what my life would be like if Manticore never existed," Max said, leaning on the kitchen counter and resting her elbows there, " About how I wish that I had a normal life. You know, loving family, lots of friends, and a boyfriend. That kind of stuff."  
  
" You can still have all that," Logan pointed out, " even the loving family."  
  
Max rolled her eyes, " Yeah, I'm sure that Zach would just LOVE for me to arrange an X5 reunion."  
  
Logan laughed, " Knowing Zach, he'd probably have a heart attack at the mention of you visiting the others."  
  
Max chuckled, " Yeah. But at least I know I have a family. It would be awful to know that I was the only one that got out or survived."  
  
" Now you know how I feel," Logan said bitterly.  
  
Max bit her lip again, " Sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad."  
  
Logan sighed, " I would give anything for my mom to be alive. It's my fault she died."  
  
Max moved away from the counter and walked to Logan. She dropped to her knees and took his hands. " Logan, look at me," she said softly, " It's not your fault your mom died."  
  
" Max, you don't even know how she died."  
  
" Then tell me," she said quietly, " let me know. Confide in me."  
  
Logan was silent as he thought about this. He finally came to the conclusion that he could tell Max anything and it wouldn't be used against him. So he started talking. " 8 years ago on Mother's Day, my mom drove out from her estate outside the city to spend the day with me. I had a late meeting that night, so I couldn't go visit her. We spent the entire day together. At the end of the day, she decided it was still early enough for her to make the drive back home. But halfway towards her house, it started raining. Hard." Logan started crying. " She missed a stop sign and a drunk driver's car crashed into her's and she died instantly. If I had only told her to stay the night or requested the meeting to be postponed so I could go visit her instead, she would never have died."  
  
Max was slightly shocked that Logan started crying and even more shocked to hear that he blamed himself. She put her arms around him and gently kissed his cheek, " It wasn't your fault Loan," she whispered, " It was the drunk driver's fault. Not your fault."  
  
He laughed bitterly, " I'd really like to believe that Max, but I don't. I caused my own mother's death."  
  
Max wheeled him over to the couch and helped him get onto it. She took him in her arms and rocked him back and forth. He was clearly having an emotional breakdown. " I… I had never told anyone this," Logan said, sniffling.  
  
Max smiled at him, " It's good to get these things off of your chest. Hell lot better than keeping everything inside till you explode."  
  
" Thank you Max."  
  
" No problem. What are friends for?" She smiled and let him go. She quickly turned more serious and said, " Logan, promise me you won't do anything stupid."  
  
" Why would I do anything stupid?"  
  
" Because I know you. You didn't cause your mom's death. You are not responsible. The only person responsible for her death was the drunk driver. You clearly loved your mom very, very much. You would never cause her any pain."  
  
" I did love her a lot," Logan said softly.  
  
" And how would your mom feel, watching over you up in heaven, knowing that after all these years, her only child is still mourning over her death? She's up in heaven with your dad and it would make her feel horrible, watching you beat yourself over her death, which you had absolutely nothing to do with."  
  
Logan smiled at Max's words, " Thank you Max."  
  
" Like I said, what are friends for?"  
  
" You want to have dinner now?"  
  
Max shook her head, " No, that's ok. I think you need to be by yourself right now. I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
" All right. Bye."  
  
" See ya," she said, and she was out the door.  
  
****  
  
Once Max got into the elevator, she sank down onto the floor. //God, doesn't Logan know how incredibly lucky he is? He's actually got a mom! Even if she's deceased now, at least he had her for 24 years! I never got to know my mom! All I know is that she willingly agreed to carry a scientific experiment inside her for 9 months and was made to give it up after. At least I have the comfort of knowing she didn't WANT to give me up.//  
  
****  
  
A/N: How'd you like that? Just a little something I whipped up in honor of Mother's Day! That was far angst-ier than I thought it would've been, but I like the way it turned out. Please read and review, I'd love to hear your thoughts!  



End file.
